Healthy Highs and Hangover (HHH-Triple H)

Often you see people take to booze or other media of intoxication because they like the ‘hit’ and just can’t live without the hangover. I really don't know if these guys are really knuckleheads or just need to go by fad. And seeing many of their ‘cool’ pals taking this ‘High’-way to hell, many of you ‘Sober-yet-to-be-Homer’ (You should see how people act when they are high to know it) would want to experience it all.

But people hardly want to take notice of the ill-effects that generally have to go with all that eccentric-ating rendezvous. People proudly introduce me to drinkers and commend him with appraisals like ‘yeh toh tanki hai’ or ‘ Iske andhar daru ka gutter hai’ and other derogatory remarks without actually looking into the effects on the organs, which gradually would turn into a gutter. If you want are one of those ‘hay-way’ fellas or just a devout ‘bhakt of Shiva (lets just call them hiway people. PS: no way referring to @hiway on twitter btw)), you hardly take note of the fact that this is the same grass grown on sides of tracks normally lined up with people going to relieve their morning bowels and bladders, and finally dipped in naphthalene (this info was given to me by a hiway) to produce the ‘desired’ effects. But who cares man. They want to be just wanna be cool. And besides why should I be the one sounding like your mom! It’s not me doing it anyways.

So for all you wannabe’s I may have found, by pure serendipity, ways for you to hit new highs. I don’t know if the feeling is same (I have no way for me to validate the feelings myself), but general prescience of it may be like is pretty close. Some of these advances have been made by assistance of hiwayers so be sure of its authenticity. Lets discuss the finding.

This is fairly simple way to get that kick. All you need is a small room and you (See how cheap that is!!). So stand up. Start going round and round, like you used to when you were kids, and keep increasing the revolutions to as fast as you can. Ideally you would want another person to keep you on track (and from banging your head and self around the room), but constant practice would gradually make you master the trade. After whirling around for close to a minute or so, stop and try standing straight. Well that is probably as strong a ‘hit’ that you’ll get. And its even more fun when you keep doing this continuously for about 3 or 4 times. And if you are of the puke-ish kind be sure of the affirmative results out of this. I am sure 15 mins of this should be enough for you to spend the next 60 minutes atleast in the bathroom.

What are the advantages:

1. 1) Its Cheap!!!! (No pun intended) The amount spent here is nothing. Its just you and your room .
2. 2) You can do it while your parents are home or even outside(if you have a merry-go-round then nothing like it) without raising any doubts or suspicion. Well yeah they would suspect you have gone nuts, but then if you are trying any of this that doesn’t really need any elucidating.
3. 3) You can easily pass any kind of blood tests.
4. 4) You still get that puke!
5. 5) No effects on any organs.
6. 6) Perfectly healthy for any bystanders. (Also might serve as entertainment for them --> which means they’ll laugh --> which means their circulation increases à they’ll be healthy. You are actually helping them here!)
7. 7) You doo get a mild-hangover after this. Actually on the number of times you did our lil exercise.
8. 8) It’s a good workout!

However, like any other thing it does have its own cons:

1. 1) You have to have a room. Or atleast a free space diameter of 2m. And that’s hard to come by these days with all the congestion.
2. 2) You’ll be called nuts by people who don’t know what it is to be cool. But who cares about them!
3. 3) You may bump into some ill-tempered people while doing this. But that’s not all that bad. You might as well get an hit out of it.
4. 4) Lets keep the cons to less than pros. Otherwise who’ll buy this.
5. 
   

Now that we have settled the issue of reaching heights of insanity, lets move on to the aftermath. Hangover. You pay so much for it. So here is another techniques which could save you thousands.

I should warn you however. This handover business is a lil more expensive than our first part. If you want to stay afloat, please practice and perfect the aforementioned technique.

For this you’ll need: a computer (or any darn thing that’ll keep you awake all night), a big bowl of rice, an bottle of hair oil and an alarm clock.

The procedure is simple. Using your computer you need to stay up till late. Next morning wake up as early as you can. For some this may be sufficient to get an hangover, but not all may be so lucky. After you wake up have a hair message using the oil (Note that oil is pretty important here). For lunch you need to have that big bowl of rise. You may start to feel a lil soporific, but please take to your computer again till you are almost dead sleepy. Once you reach this, set your alarm to about half an hour from now and got to sleep. And make sure that you keep your alarm at a safe distance from you. Ideally one should sleep in an air conditioned room, but not all are so fortunate to have them at home. Wake up when the alarm rings and voila you have your hangover. And be sure this is as strong an hangover as it gets!

This procedure maybe tweaked here and there. But you essentially need a hair oil massage and a bowl of rice for this to work successfully. Including physical exertion the previous day just adds to the effectiveness. And the head-ache so typical of hangovers is probably strongest by this. Also it is recommended that you stay away from caffeine to truly experience this.

So there you junkies have it. A perfectly healthy, eco-friendly means of getting high and hungover. Happy Coolness dudes!

Social Un-networking

We can not help but admit the fact that social networking has a significant influence on the way we interact with others and more importantly with ourselves. And it is almost a social compulsion that a person has to fulfill in order to be accepted by 'others' in the society.

However, had these advents in modern communications not been made, then how would the interactions on these channels be translated into our day-to-day communication. This is how it would have worked for me-

• Facebook: Standing in a crowded plaza and screaming out to people in order to get cognizance and appreciation from them.

• Twitter: Continuous blabber with details about every second of one's life, without really caring about whether or not the person in front of you is really interested in listening to you or not.

• Orkut: Going to a war-stricken, dead hamlet and screaming out ' Anybody here?'.

• Hi5, Wayn (etc..): Arrive at a place with deja-vu, and never know why or how you had come to this place before.

Tall tales with tall miseries

Historically, people of our country have always tended to be on the shorter side. The reason for this may be genetic or simply environmental factors. As a result I guess it is just taken for granted that there aren’t too many people who are much taller than the average height. According to the statistics, the average male height for age group of around 20 years is roughly 1.65m or 5’ 5”.

The result of such an average means that all the auxological considerations are taken keeping this figure in mind. However, this leaves people who are ‘slightly above average’ in quite a paroxysm. Because of this all the activities require a certain degree of skew depending on how ‘above’ the average you stand. For instance, whenever you stand in front of a mirror (not the full-body ones) for a nice comb, you end up seeing the hair on your chest rather than your head. A similar situation is encountered at those cubicle style cash counters found at ticket and cash counters, where you have to knock off the person standing behind you just to hear what your bill is.

And this derangement is further augmented by the advents of technology. The ever increasing demand of an ever increasing population has led to the development of technology towards being ‘smaller and efficient’. This is perfectly illustrated by the emphasis being laid on smaller and now even micro cars which are more environmentally friendly. Consequently lanky fellas end up squishing themselves into the car, with practically no space left for the others inside. Another instance of such a technological mishap is the portable mobile handsets. The emphasis on sleek and trendy looking phones has meant that the mobile handset manufacturers have constantly tried to reduce the size of these handsets. The situation gets particularly worse in case on tiny touch screen phones. Since tall people usually have ‘larger’ anatomical features, the casual texting usually ends up in an irky tabbing exercise. Some other nuances commonly encountered can be listed below:

1. Can’t find the right length of clothes at a retail store
2. Banging head at short entrance/exits
3. Hitting hands on ceiling fans while stretching or clothing oneself (that hurts!).
4. Feet stick out when you sleep as beds are too short. Also the rugs are not long enough to cover the body entirely, leaving one cold footed.
5. Cramped up space at restaurant tables. Often end up banging knees with the table.
6. Similar instance in the compactness of multiplexes seating.
7. Cramped up legs in the your classroom which gives that flatulent look to your face. ( Especially painful when you are at those coaching classes, trying to save up space in a small classroom!)
8. In a bus/plane, your knees touch the seat in front of you and all the vibration/turbulence shakes you from deep within. After a point (about 5 minutes) you think you are part of the bus/plane and it is your duty to vibrate along with it.
9. You don’t fit in train berths at all.
10. Don’t find the proper sized footings.
11. Do you need more??

Hence on behalf of the vertically-abnormal, a sincere request to pay heed to our distress and accommodate slight modifications in order to somewhat alleviate the predicament that we are face with. I know this is a ‘tall’ order, but then we have to realize that the matters are only go upwards as baccha-log are only going to grow taller (Nowadays even a 15-yr old is almost upto 6’). Hence in order to prevent such woes in the future, immediate reforms in the general outlook towards the tall must be considered.

THE DEVIL INSIDE

As it goes in popular cultural belief, idleness is something which doesn’t go well with creativity. This has hence given rise to a myriad number of idioms and proverbs which go on to condemn people who tend to resort to such idleness. It gets associated to everything from Satanism to being just an outright hedonist. “Idleness is the root of all evil” or “An empty mind is a devil’s home” are some of these quite regularly used.

However all this faineance may not always be baneful. In fact lack of activity may well be one of the most creative phases for an individual. This not only helps one ruminate but also gets some of the wildest imaginations out of you. The world is full of contented bodies and discontented minds. Hence even when you are seemingly lazy, your mind would constantly delve on thoughts which one would have otherwise never even considered. And if you heeded to some of these thoughts and applied it seriously, you would be amazed at how brilliant it turns out to be.

If this rummage of thoughts doesn’t really suit the general definition for laziness, here is another perspective to it. As David Dunham quite aptly quotes-

"Efficiency is intelligent laziness.”

The system of work that we are all part of increasingly taxes work and subsidizes non-work. Hence the virtue of being lazy helps to manipulate the situation more “effective” just because one is too lazy to continue working hard for it. As a result, this forces ‘out of the box’ thinking, thus effectively and inadvertently getting the best out of the person. Such indolence is the core basis for the technological developments in all fields of interest.How else can you explain the development of the computer? Only because we were too lazy to do the laborious work which otherwise would have required immense manual applications. Or for that matter the development of Wireless internet- because we were too lazy to get out of our beds and walk upto that desktop.

Also when you have had serious lack of activity, only then would you start to think of ways by which you could get of it. This however cannot be generalized, especially in case of hedonists who couldn't care less about the inactivity. However, in normal circumstances, the stagnation in life would effectively get you more invigorated in your quest to undo this quotidian lethargy. Mahatma Gandhi once said

“Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing something to be happy”

In conclusion what is important is the fact that one needs to get into himself the vein for laziness which is constructive. If you are able to tame the devil inside, you may very well be able to master your own fate. I know this sounds crap, so in short

STAY LAZY,STAY HAPPY!